Sunday, June 6, 2010


I recently wrote my first ever novel and it had a romantic theme running through it. It was nothing like my latest novel, which is a plain, out right romance novel. Writing it has made me question a few things about love or the whole concept we have of love in General.

I am no expert when it comes to the love department and I, myself, found it ridiculous that I was inspired to write a love story. Considering that I am one of the least romantic people on the planet earth.

Anyway. I just wondered if the things we read about and so many write about, is perhaps true in some way. Is it really possible for two people to fall completely and utterly in love? Caring, respecting and devoting themselves to only each other? I talked to a few people on this matter and I got mixed opinions.
  1. Most felt that it is just our hormones that get the best of us. That we as humans, are so afraid to grow old alone that we are willing to put up with anything and anyone, just so that we wouldn't have to end up alone.

  2. Another opinion was that there are just certain people who get drawn to each other. That their natural chemistry is undeniable.

  3. Then there is my favourite, the theory that some people are just meant to be together, that they are soul mates.

Scientifically, number 1 is probably correct, number 2 as well, but personally, I find it to be a bit crude and anticlimactic. I personally find number 3 more believable. No, not everyone meets their soul mate, in fact I doubt that I ever would (me being anti-social and all that). But does it possibly exist? My mother swore to me she thought my dad was her soul mate and after he died, a part of her died too. My mother's best friend and her husband are still happily married. Not to mention at least two of my aunts who are still happily married to their husbands. They tend to be those couples that when they are together, they make you feel kind of uncomfortable, just being near them.

On the other hand, you get the couples who look really happy and seem perfect, but behind closed doors, there are all kinds of turmoil. I know a few couples like that too. Now I ask you, which one is the truth? Is it possible that some couples just don't work out because they take matters into their own hands, instead of waiting for fate to intervene on their behalf? Or is the whole love concept total crap and it's just a matter of chemicals and all that other scientific mambo jumbo?

I believe true love exists, I just don't want to be like so many that was proven wrong and left angry, hurt and betrayed. The books make true love sound so amazing and possible, as if it is something that is just out there waiting for you. But is it really? How many times do you have to fail at it, to find it? Is it worth getting hurt? I don't know, but I am too much of a coward to find out.

But I know one thing. If you're a realist like me, it's not so much about what the opposite sex says to you, but it is what they are not saying. For example, I hate pick up lines and one that I have heard a lot was ''Your so beautiful'' or ''Your so cute''. Now here is my translation of that statement. The person is trying to make you feel good about yourself, probably sensing you are insecure. So they tell you the thing they think you want to hear most. Personally, I just get ticked off at that statement, because the person doesn't think your smart, funny or talented, now they are demeaning you by implying the only thing you have going for you, is your looks. So in reality they just insulted you.

So be careful of who you let near you or into your head, I think. And one other thing. At least the romance novels gives us a guideline of what we should look for. I know it is all make believe, but if you like a guy that respects you and you find the opposite, then why date him? Look or hold out for the one that does have what you are looking for. You decide what you allow people to do to you, you and you alone.

All I know is that this love thing is complicated and very few of us get it right. But it is out there. If only we had the patience for it. But like I said, I am too much of a coward to find out. For now, I am happy just giving my fictional characters their happy endings, instead of finding my own.

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