What is the point?

Today I was plagued with the idea, why? And why? 

Everywhere these days there's a silent rule imposed by some invisible person or persons. You can't say this. You can't write about that. You can't tell your goverment that they are shit. 

Why do we fall into line? When did we become such obedient citizens? 

When I think of writers, especially those on this platform, bloggers I have come to love...They take shit from no one. They write and say what they want. I think they live out that attitude in their real life too.

I am just tired of walking on eggshells, afraid you might offend anyone by simply giving them the wrong greeting. 

Why am I so afraid of offending someone about things that have more to do with their own issues, than my own?

We are writers. We speak the truth, right? Or else what is the point?

What is the point in our existance if we aren't free to say, do, act or wear what we want? 

Why must I sensor my thought, writing, or general existance? 

When did it become forbiden to be an asshole? For once I want to be the asshole who stands tall and says "And this is my problem, why?" Or simply "Meh, I don't care" or the classic "Fuck off"?

Just WHY? WHY? WHY?

What are your thoughts? I will open the comment section again soon.

Just...

I am alive and well. Life keeps going on. 

I've started re-formatting the e-book of the Executioner (my 2nd fantasy book in my Thelum series) for print. I've always wanted my books in print, and I did have the first one in print a few years back. But I wanted to change the cover. Every time I do, I have to order a copy of the print book to make sure the cover and book layout is right. Which was pricy. The shipping to South Africa is more than the actual book. And I just felt overwhelmed and pulled it from Amazon. 

But now things have changed. I'm working, and have saved up the money to pay for the shipping. Plus times have changed. There are so many other print options these days. Like printing it here, in South Africa, and if everything is fine, I can upload it again on the many platforms, Amazon being one.  

To be honest, I have completely forgotten I had once written 2 books. It actually feels like another life. But I am slowly trying to bring her back. The writer. The creative.

During Covid I started with a new series, crime fiction, Human Nature. It plays out on an Earth-like planet, which seems idylic, but things go wrong. I had made tons of progress, more than one book finished, but now I have to go beyond the 1st draft. Which is terrifying. And I seem to never have time.

I am currently writing this and posting using my email. I have never done it before out of fear of my horrible spelling, and fear of safety. But if I can write tons of emails, I might as well write posts here. 

Not quite myself

I have no idea why, but I have not been feeling like myself. Even being in my own skin feels alien. 

The good news is that I still managed to pitch up here instead of going back in my shell. 

I haven't written any fiction yet. But I am doing a psychology Diploma course right now. It is about Jung, and I absolutely love it. I am learning so much about myself, and about concepts that might sound unfamiliar, but are right up my alley. Thoughts and ideas that I have always had, but didn't know there were actual terms for them. Or that they were real. That it wasn't just me who thought about certain things a certain way.

Jung was a great believer in studying myths and folklore of cultures to understand people, and the psychology of individuals. Each community, or country has their own folklore and myths. This course feels like it belongs in my world. Just like writing does. Both play a vital roll in my true self. 

I am not quite myself. But I am happy I could write this post. Because last year I did one post and this year I have at least two. 

Keep well

Getting back to being a writer

Never in a million years would I have guessed that I would be here again. That I would have stopped writing again. That I would become an inflexible salary person. But that is exactly who I am.

Working in the hospitality industry for the past few years has taken every ounce of physical, creative, and mental strength out of me. I had to… I needed it, and still need it to survive in that environment.

I merely told myself that I was taking a break. Recharging my creative well. I had done that. I am still doing that, but still, other than this post, not much else has been written.

Now I have to fight my way back to creativity and my writing, or give up. The latter is not an option.

I think the fear of knowing how hard the road had been before…It terrifies me. Knowing how far away I have drifted from this life.

I have never been much of a quitter. So my fight to make it back to my true self, writer self, has begun once more. I am truly terrified. But what do I have to lose, right?

No more comments for my blog

 Hi Everyone.

I hope you are all doing well. It has been a while. My blog has become a ghost town so-to-speak. I am so impressed, and admire all of you bloggers/ writers that have been cotinuously blogging no matter what. You are hardcore. I respect you. 

I however haven't been blogging at all. One post for last year alone .  . .  I think? That is atrocious. And if you had told me back in 2010 that this blog would've been unattended without a second thought, I wouldn't have believed you. 

As for my current reason for blogging . . . I wanted to make a few changes in my life. I wanted to get back to writing and publishing. It has been such an important part of my life for so long. But because of the long hours, and constant chaotic schedule of my day-job, writing was pushed back, almost completely forgotten about. I wish to change that. 

One of the reasons I stopped blogging is that I felt I had nothing to share. I wasn't publishing new projects. I wasn't writing much, and to be honest, I'm not that interesting a person. 

The other was that returning comments felt more like a burden than fun in the end. And I hated myself for not returning comments. After all, that is how we support each other. Thus, I have turned off all comments for my blog.  

My hope is that if I don't have the obligation to return comments, that it may help me blogging again. I sound like a bitch. Apologies . . . I'm only sharing my honest thoughts today. 

I don't know about you, but I miss the times when I could send out blog posts into the void, not knowing who was reading them, or caring what they thougt. It made me feel brave, because I could share thoughts, opinions, and writing I wouldn't otherwise if I knew people were reading my posts. 

If you wish to unfollow me, I understand. No hard feelings. Truthfiully, I have lost touch with almost everyone. It makes me upset, and resent myself because I allowed it to happen. 

In 2018 my depression got to a point that I could no longer function. It got drasticlly worse, and adding Fibromyalgia to the mix . . . I didn't know how to handle it and I was a mess. I still am. I still struggle with both drastically every day. But I want . . . am desperate to do better. 

Thank you for all your support through the years. Just because I am disabling comments on this blog doesn't mean I'm completely cutting ties. My email adress is still available, and I'm active on Instagramm

How is it July already?

I can't believe that it is 25 July 2021. According to my blog post history, it's been a year since my last entry? I can't beleive it. Shocking actually. 

Blogging clearly hasn't been a priority, which is upseting. But it is not strange since I've felt far removed from my writer dreams and writing ambitions. My heart has just not been in it. But I hope to change that. 

My family and I are doing well during this crazy times of Covid-19, and shocking politcal turmoil. As South Africans we're used to adapting quite quickly, and just keep moving on. 

Our Baking Company is doing well. My sisters and I are directors of our company now. We've truly formalized the business, showing we mean business. It's where I spend most of my focus and time. 

How have all of you been? How have you managed to find the inspration and discipline to keep on blogging over all these years? 

Staying focused

Hello my friends. I’ve been doing a lot of writing lately, as you might know. I’ve actually finished the first book in my Human Nature, Thriller series. It is a true first draft. It’s ugly, but the bones are there. I just have to clean it up, a lot. 

I’ve been so excited with this series that I started immediately with book two. But then, the strangest thing happened, which never usually happens. I started getting ideas, and scenes for future books of this series started flooding my mind, and I found myself jumping back and forth writing scenes from different books. It was like all writing inspiration I’ve been lacking over the years came rushing back all at once and I went into a writing frenzy. Sometimes writing 8 hours a day. Losing lots of sleep, but the writing had to get out of my head. It was flooding my brain and I couldn’t focus on anything than these books. 

Because my depression and Fibromyalgia (despite which I am permanently on medication for) plays havoc on my short term memory, I didn’t want to take the chance I might forget anything so I wrote it down immediately. Upsetting my nearest and dearest, but I had to get it out. It would play havoc with my sleep if I didn’t get it out. But I got most of it down. My sister wanted me to dictate most of my thoughts, and I will do that from now on, but then I forget the emotions and possible dialogue I had in my mind for a specific scene. 

So now I have a half written book here, a few scenes there and so forth. But I won’t give this flood of inspiration up for anything. The quiet and isolation of the extreme South African lockdown and that of the world did wonders for me. It rebooted my brain and made me whole again. It gave me a reprieve of all the noise (figurative) that I’ve been experiencing over the years. The human race were all just trying to survive. Nobody focused on war, or which celebrity was sleeping with whom. People all around could relate what was going on with one another, as we were all experiencing the same thing. It’s just such a relief for the mind and soul.

I’ve decided that I’ll try and do such an isolation once or twice a year. Even if it’s just for a week, or a few days. I just need this to survive in this crazy over crowded world with all its insanity, and new technologies popping up all the time, for the long term. I’m deeply introverted, so this type of Isolation suits me perfectly. Do all my shopping online and avoid most people all together sounds like a dream.

How do you recharge your batteries? Does your senses get overloaded quickly? How do you focus in this noisy world?

Music speaks to my soul

Hey friends. I don’t know if I ever mentioned this little fact about me, but I love music. I can’t live without it. As in my previous post, the lockdown had me fall in love with music all over again. For some time I’ve been so stressed, that during work the thought of playing music to help me cope, didn’t naturally occur to me. I just though it’s a personal pleasure, I can’t possibly listen to it when working, like when we are working on orders, or stocktaking and so forth. I don’t know why I thought that way. I guess it doesn’t matter anymore.

 But like most things, I like various types of music. From rock and metal to classical and non-lyrical music. I will listen to most kinds of music and each moves me in a different way and evokes different kinds of emotions. These days I need the mood of music to match that of the book I am writing. I actually did research on which songs were the saddest, so I could write certain scenes in the book, and it did the trick. I actually created a playlist. On it were songs like Tears in Heaven by Eric Clapton, Knocking on Heaven’s door by Bob Dylan, and I’ve always found that most of Johnny Cash’s music is sad, so I listened to a lot of him. Certain scenes are gruesome and I needed music to get me in sort of a frenzy, or should I say made me feel bad-ass and for me there’s nothing like Metallica or Marilyn Manson. So I’ve been enjoying my writing again.

 Do you listen to music when you write? What kind of music do you listen to?

Lockdown helped me write

During the lockdown in South Africa (Level 5) the country came to a standstill. The whole world for that matter, as certain countries were more affected than others at the time. It’s still a crisis over most of the world, but those 5 weeks, where everything came to a standstill, was the best thing for me and my brain.

It sounds like a horrible thing to say. But for me it was as if I could think clearly. My senses get overloaded very quickly. I actually had energy for the first time in a longtime. There were less people  around. It was quiet, literally, and figuratively. It felt like I could breathe for the first time in a long time. That my brain and energy levels could recharge.

So much so that the writing started to flow, and I could actually start working on my new series. It will be a series of crime thrillers focused on catching dangerous serial killers on New Eden. A world where the remaining humans had to relocate after we killed Earth. It is like nothing I have ever written before. But it is exciting. I am a huge fan of crime fiction, mystery, as well as thrillers. I read various genres so it is in my nature to want to diversify on the genres I write. And these books are where my heart and focus is right now.

I felt like all was right in the world during that time. I could focus. My senses were alive again, and able to function as they should. And pouring my imagination and emotions out on the page. It felt so natural.

How are you doing?

Look what I bought myself for my birthday

It is the 19th day of what would have been our 21 day lockdown. The South African lockdown has been extended for another 2 weeks, until the end of April.

I realize that the world is going crazy and that everyone is scared. But all that you can control is how you and your family stay safe. I’m not going to lie. Every time I leave the house I am scared I might get infected, or worse, pick up Covid-19 and bring it home for my family as a present.

But I think there is enough crazy going on. We need some new and fun things to do. Well, I’ve been doing a lot of reading. I bought myself these for my birthday.

Eaters of the Dead by Michael Crichton

I enjoyed this book so much. I enjoy reading about history and mythology, and this book is about the documented tales of Ibn Fadlan as taken from his manuscript. It starts a bit slow but it is very exciting. This book was worth every penny.

I became obsessed with finding this book after watching 13th warrior. I really enjoyed this movie, and still do. Michael Crichton disapproved of the film version, so obviously I wanted to read his original. Both the book and movie are so enjoyable. Give me anything about Vikings and I’m happy.

I have been looking for a used copy of this book for more than 10 years. I tried to purchase a new one for the past 5 years, but the bookshops and online stores in South Africa couldn’t get me one. So I finally bought a copy from Amazon. The only reason I never buy from Amazon is because how expensive shipping is. It is almost the same price as the actual product.

 Milk and Honey by Rupi Kaur

There is such honesty and truth in her work. So much of her experiences I can relate to. If you don’t mind digging deep into your own soul and having her words take you on a journey, then please do try this one. Loved it.

 

The Sun and her Flowers by Rupi Kaur

I was first introduced to Rupi’s poetry by my cousin. She had lent me The Sun and her Flowers a few years ago, and I loved Rupi’s way with words and her illustrations. When I finally had the money I just had to buy my own copy. Trust me, her words are so powerful. Loved this one too.

New Writing Desk

This post is a bit late. But I wanted to share my Christmas/ Birthday gift from my brother and his wife.

This is my new writing desk, and what I like is that there is space for me to place my laptop and my notes. I don't know about you, but I never seem to have enough space when I'm writing. It helps that there are two small shelves for storage.

So dear friends. What is your writing space like, and do you always lack space when actually writing?

The Executioner is now available

It’s here! It’s here! It’s finally here!

The Executioner is now available at all your major e-book stores. Here are just a few links: Amazon * Smashwords * Other 

It only took me five years to get here. There were times I really doubted myself, and my writing ability, but this fantastic blogging community always cheered me on, and believed in me. Thank you, my friends.


As previously discussed, I won't be doing all the marketing I did last time. Aside for showing off my books one my social media pages, I'm not going to bother with much else. I'm just going to focus on my next book. 

The Executioner

The past is never too far behind, or as innocent as it may seem.

Claire’s past is rearing its ugly head and threatening her life.

Alex has a love from his past who might wreck his future. New challenges are thrown their way can end both their lives, and that of those they love.

Most writers always have such nice custom images of their books. So I thought I would give it a try. 

Another Angel Departs

On 10 January 2020 another one of my baby’s left this world. Her name was Abby and she was only a few months away from turning 13 years old. She was a beautiful soul, and my best friend. Even though she was my sister’s dog, I helped raise her since she was a pup, and helped take care of her until her dying day. 

As you know, I always talked about being a full-time babysitter, not just for Abby, but my brother’s dog, as well as my own. I big hole is left in our hearts. She had such a big personality, and everyone who met her couldn’t help but love Abby. She was just the most lovable character.

I will love you always.

The Executioner Coming Soon

I finished the editing of my second book in my Thelum Series. Finally! Now its just the formatting, and other technical things that needs to be done. I have set the publish date for February 2020.

I have been tinkering on this book for 5 years, and its time I moved on. I'm ready.

October Begins

Hello Friends. I did it. I finished my first round of edits from my editor. It wasn’t as bad. I just had to put my head down and get it done. Of course afterwards I chastised myself for not finishing it sooner. But oh well.

I don’t know about you, but I’ve been getting the strangest comments on my blog. People using the comments section to advertise their own site, or products. At some point it was one or two weird comments a day. Every time I deleted one spammy comment another would pop up again. So I activated comment moderation. So I get to choose which comments get published, and not. It is a relief actually, and so easy.

The day job has been keeping me busy, which is why I haven’t been around. A smart person would start writing posts in advance and scheduling them. Clearly I’m not smart (he he).

So have a good week. What is new with you?

Moving, but not as fast, and sabotage

I didn’t mention this before, but I got my manuscript back from my editor In June. I was so excited. I only asked for copy editing this time. And my brilliant editor, Janie Goltz, did an excellent job. I’m actually embarrassed about the simple mistakes she had to keep correcting me on. Things like, using British English, along with American English in the same manuscript. And not using the same spelling throughout.

However, I have had this bad habit of not pushing through the corrections as fast as I should. I could have worked through the entire book in a week. But I’m taking it slowly. I think I’m scared of publishing, and now I am sabotaging myself again. I also decided to read my manuscript as I was applying the change, and immediately had the urge to start tinkering with the manuscript again. I didn’t think it was good enough. I had simply deleted one sentence on page 3, and stopped myself from reading the rest of the manuscript. I had done the best I could before submitting it to my editor. But for some reason, as I was working on applying the changes, I almost gave in to bad habits again. Like rewriting certain scenes, and so forth. I’m not doing it this time. Not again.

I could make a quick search and replace all similar words. But I really want to take my time with it. Make one change at a time. Though I won't lie. I'm frustrating myself. And I know I have to start pushing, and motivating myself.

Why is it you think that we keep wanting to write the same book over and over, and then never moving on to the next book? Or is this problem just me?

Angry at Social Media

When it comes to social media, I am addicted. Or at least I was. I don’t really do Facebook, unless I have to share news about my books, or something I am working on. Twitter not so much either. Pinterest; Sure, for research. Especially about items, or lifestyles, I will never be able to afford. Instagram is my social media of choice at the moment. You can say so much with just a picture, and a short description bellow, or not. Easy, peasy. And of course, I am getting back to blogging.

But I have come to really hate social media. 20th of June my Chef sister and I were in a car accident, on our way to make a delivery. We are okay. We both have whiplash, and of course our bodies hurt, and we are a bit black and blue. But what really bothered me, was that after we pushed away the airbags, and I was checking on my sister, I saw people crowd around the broken up car to take photos. Of the car, of us . . . It was perverse. Such a violation of privacy. My sister was unconscious for a while, and people were taking photos, and making videos, as I tried to wake her, and just find out how badly she was hurt. Nobody called for help, or the police. They just stood there. I had to call for help myself, even though I asked for someone to call the police.

Have we as people become so desensitized to trauma, or human life, and suffering that we just don’t care about anything, or anyone else anymore? Is privacy, and compassion truly a thing of the past? 

Not for me. I still try to be a descent person. I don’t live my life through a lens. I sometimes share certain aspects of my life, yes, but I decide which, and it’s about my author self. I don’t have any social media profiles for myself (personally), but the writer part of me does. I don’t do it for attention, even though I do get an adrenaline rush every time someone leaves a comment, or likes something I said (wrote).

I started using various social media platforms to spread word of my writing, and book. For business purposes (wink-wink) However, these days I don’t have much authorly news to share, so I mostly read what others are posting, and sharing. Cute cat/ dog videos. Nice quotes. The funnier, the better. Also, articles about archaeological finds . . . Stuff like that.

But I do fear that I have become so addicted to those daily funnies, that I will become one of those people that forget to be human. Who walk around texting without looking up, or to see where they are going.

I have wanted to close my Facebook account many times, but I have made a few fellow South African friends that want to know about when I am publishing again, wanting to buy the next book, and so forth. Facebook is their social media of choice. So I don’t want to lose the small audience I have built there.

Aside for blogging, I’m angry at social media. I will look, but not participate for a while.

How do you feel about social media?

Finding a routine

It is the end of May, and I can’t believe that we are halfway through the year. It has definitely just flown by.

My current work in progress is going well. I am enjoying my writing so much. I won’t lie, I’m still struggling to get a proper routine, or to write regularly. As I previously mentioned, I work for my sister in her Artisanal baking/ food business. So the hours are long, and the work is hard. So sometimes I’m too tired to do much when I’m done working.

But I think that is the struggle with all creatives. You have to pay the bills, as well as be true to your creative passion. So I write when I can, and make the best of that time. Some of us just don’t get to have the luxury of a routine. I know I don’t. But I fight to make time, and use it well. Everyone's life and circumstances are just different. I think I prefer not having a specific routine.

Lately I’ve been enjoying the luxury of Netflix. I have found that it really helps me unwind. These days I love those corny movies, that make you laugh, and sometimes think the acting is questionable, but my brain finds it stimulating. I can just watch one, or two, and I’m relaxed. The stress of the day forgotten.

So, how are you doing? Are you ready for the coming month?

Change can be scary, but necessary

I’ve always been the kind of person that ran away from change. It was too hard to adapt. To learn something new. Or navigate around something new. The newest thing I changed was that I ended my Newsletter. Nobody was interested, and, I share all the info on my blog as well. So if future readers want to find out about new books, they can check the tabs in my blog, or sign up for new blog posts to be delivered in their inbox. So it serves the same purpose of the newsletter. I only did it in the first place because all the experts online recommended it. I no longer follow expert advice. I just do my own thing.

I also changed my writing process. I’m no longer so stressed about my writing. I just go with it. Also, I care more about the punctuation, and spelling errors. Things that would drive me insane if I were reading a book. It’s hard to let go of this type of control. I always have this tendency to want to make everything perfect. Since I stopped the process of constantly rewriting every book over and over, I’ve become a lot less stressed, and I’m actually enjoying my writing again.

Because of my taxing, tough day job, I’ve started to worry that I couldn’t write everyday. All the experts and writing advice suggests you write everyday. That you set a certain word count for everyday. Unfortunately, I no longer have that luxury. I write whenever I can. And I make good progress. So write in however manner you want, or that suits your lifestyle. It’s not a one fits all thing. Not at all. We are all artists. And every artist has their own quirks, and ways to express themselves, let alone their working processes. So you do what makes you happy.

So that is it from me. Always stay the way you are. If you make changes, do it for yourself, and not because others tell you to.

Genre Confusion … Anybody?

Is it just me, or can deciding what genre your story falls into be maddening, even super complicated? When I had to submit queries to agents for my first book, I had to say which genre it fell into. But I was between genres. It wasn’t completely a romance, and it wasn’t an out-and-out fantasy novel. So I used to submit it under romance, just to play it safe. As I knew the fantasy genre was hard to get into. And I didn’t think I was good enough at the time to classify it as fantasy.

I am working on a new project, which will be unnamed, in case I jinx myself. But once again, I have no idea what (if I publish it) genre I would place it in. Same goes for the short story I just finished. I read up all the genres, but it doesn’t quite sound like one or the other. I tend to unconsciously mash-up genres. Its not my fault publishing platforms want to put every piece of writing into a perfect box. So after writing your masterpiece (which is a feat in itself), you have to know what genre your work falls into.

Lately this has happened to me a lot. Whenever someone finds out I’m a writer:

“What is your new story about?”

Me; “Uhm…”

This is the point in which I ramble on about the synopsis.

“What kind of writer are you?”

Me: Crickets are singing.

“I mean, what genre do you write in?”

Me: “Uhm.”

You see my dilemma. My latest response is, “I write fiction.” Why is it that people want to know? Immediately after that, I quickly try and make the point that I don’t know super famous writers like J.K. Rowling, and Stephen King personally. For some strange reason non-writers think we writers all know each other in some secret way.

What do you guys do to help you determine in what genre you write, or which genre your story belongs to? Is there a magic trick? Or is it just my lack of experience showing, and I should read more?

Just something I have been pondering.