Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Out of balance today

After days of freaking out, I got the answer I wanted. I am going to continue as a sole proprietor and worry about each obstacle as it comes my way. I tend to be one of those people that worry about everything all the time and drive all those around me crazy. Thank you to my blogger friends for your wonderful support and advice.

With my rewriting I am going to take it page by page, instead of chapter by chapter. Hopefully that will stop me from procrastinating. My brother thinks I am delaying the self-editing process because I am afraid of failure in the long run and I think he might be right. Sometimes I wish I was a lot braver than I really am.

I have become a lot more of a hermit, but I can’t help it, I just prefer my own company and only leave the house to buy groceries. Avoiding huge amounts of human contact actually keeps me sane, believe it or not. Being amongst people irritates me and depresses me even more.

Certain days I think the depression medication is helping and other days I know it isn’t. Lately I have been feeling really low and getting out of bed has become a chore again. Most people know why they get depressed, I don’t. My hormones just get so out of whack that I patiently wait and pray that it will return to a reasonable level as soon as possible.

I would love to be one of those people who are enchanting and who always has something good to say, but I’m the exact opposite. My mom says I have been this depressing person since I was born. I know many of you would like a lot more interesting and vibrant posts, but I honestly don’t think it is in me right now.