My family and I have been without internet since Friday.
Thank goodness I could schedule my Friday post a few days beforehand. Our internet
connection was restored late this afternoon and I was so relieved. I can go on
vacation and not worry about internet, but when I’m in work or writer mode, I
go crazy without internet. I feel like I’m missing out on something.
The past week I have started to establish a type of writing schedule
again. I work during the day and at night I write and yes, I have actually been
coming up with a lot of new material for my rewrites and painlessly discarding
what I wrote last year. The first few nights were tough, because I could barely
crank out a thousand words a night and then when the weekend approached, I was
writing more than a thousand words a day. It might not sound like much, but for
me that is monumental. I know I can only improve on word count.
I recently realized that it wasn’t so much that I didn’t
feel inspired, but that my depression was really kicking my ass and my will to
write was diminished. Okay, don’t judge me, but with depression the simplest
thing like just taking a shower can be a challenge. You have to psyche yourself
up just to stick your head out the front door. But the more I’m writing, the
better I’m feeling mentally.
My master plan is to get off antidepressants this year and
try therapy instead. I hate how the medication makes me feel and it does affect
my thought process, so for a writer its hell. I’m doing research on various
types of therapy and most importantly, trying to compare costs, so that
hopefully I can afford that approach instead. My body and mind doesn’t feel
good with all the medication I’m on. I’m at the point where I can’t sleep
without medication anymore and I hate that. I want control of my body and
health back.
Wow, our internet is slow tonight. So, have a great week
everyone!
Glad your Internet is back and hope you can get off the drugs. I'm sure they mess with your head.
ReplyDeleteA thousand words a day is really good! Takes me at least three hours to come up that. Often more.
Thank you! I used to be able to write so much more, but I'll take what I can get.
DeleteI'm so sorry you're experiencing such depression. The fact that you recognize it, are researching it, and know you want to get better sounds like you're heading in the right direction.
ReplyDeleteDon't give up on your writing. I know its good.
I've learned so much in the last year, we can always learn more and more.
Heather
Thank you Heather! My writing is helping me so much now. I also don't mind always learning. I do want to be better.
DeleteOh, I'd never judge anyone for the side effects of depression. It nips at my heels constantly. January and February were brutal this year, and querying a new project during that time only made it intensify. And you're doing better than me. I usually only get about five hundred words down a day. But, hey, I've finished three novels that way. Just gotta keep swimming. :))
ReplyDeleteThank you! I will keep swimming. I can't allow the depression to win. You're amazing by the way :)
DeleteHi Murees - such a nuisance .. the itnernet hassle - glad it'll be resolved soon. Depression is challenging ... so take care, relax and all things will work out ... you seem to be on the right path ... cheers HIlary
ReplyDeleteThank you Hilary! I will try.
DeleteIt's kind of silly that I feel so annoyed when I don't have the internet, because it didn't exist until I was well into adulthood. I understand about depression. Sometimes I don't leave the house all week. At least I get things done at home.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Janie
I'm sorry you have bouts with depression too. It's awful. I know what you mean, we didn't have internet in our home until I was in my first year of college, about 10 years ago and now I can't live without it.
Delete