Thursday, December 16, 2010


Lately I have been getting a lot of pressure from all sources regarding my direction in life. Most of the pressure is actually coming from my new boss of all people. For some reason he feels I am wasting away my life on the quest to become a writer. Apparently I have so much potential.

At first I thought he just wanted to help me but Wednesday I noticed he has this White Oleander (as in Michelle Pheiffer's character) mind trick shit going for him. Now a little secret about me...I know a lot about mental warfare. My family specializes in this kind of stuff and this guy has no idea I realized what he is trying to do. Mostly I am upset that I didn't realize what he was trying to do from the beginning.

Anyway, the fact that he was trying to force me to stop pursuing writing was like waving a red flag in front of a bull. Yes, he mentioned a lot of similar things that my family has previously pointed out but the fact that he told me that it was an unrealistic dream made me want to pursue it even more and prove to him that it was an obtainable goal after all. I hate it when other people tell me that I can't do something. If ever there is anyone to tell me that it will be myself. The more people tell me I can't or shouldn't do something the more I will push on, just to prove them wrong. I haven't always been like this but lately I found a new sense of strength in myself. I am the most clueless about life and the unknown then I have ever been, yet I have never been stronger or happier. I always had plans for everything in life and now I don't, but I am not worried about it.

When I go back to work on Tuesday I will be professional and if I get anymore shit for being an aspiring writer I will put him straight and if he wishes to fire me then I will start my holiday sooner and I will be happier for it.

I actually am going to use his personality type as that of the villain in my historical romance. He apparently used to be a poet and philosopher. I use to write poetry too but I wasn't anywhere near as psychotic as this guy. Poet's are passionate people but this guy is on some other mental plane and that is just scary. Sure he is intelligent but not in a good way.

I know my posts have been a little depressing of late and for that I apologize. I will try to make it a bit more interesting. I guess my posts are a reflection of my moods but I am cheering up as we speak or should I say write?

Not quite myself

I have no idea why, but I have not been feeling like myself. Even being in my own skin feels alien.  The good news is that I still managed t...