Tuesday, December 14, 2010


Today I feel like jumping out of my own skin. I feel as if the person inside me is suffocating.

A few days ago my new boss came into my office and said something out of the blue that has been bothering me quite a bit. ''I think you are hiding from life. What are your plans for the future? Why not do something bold with your life? If you want to be a writer why not do it? Why don't you go do a academic program that can help you become a writer?''

I sat and stared at him in confusion. How could he sum me up so quickly? How could he possibly know these things? This man hasn't known me before this week. Do I have some invisible sign on my forehead that says ''Hey, I am struggle with the direction of my life!'' I didn't mind what he said, I just wish it wasn't true.

I don't want to face the reality of the situation. I have to decide what I want to do with the rest of my life. I have a degree in Agriculture. Most specifically Animal production and Management. But I only recently realized that I don't want to do that anymore. I can't stand it when the animals aren't treated properly and it sends me into a crazy spin of emotions. My heart is just not in it anymore. I don't know if it ever was. So basically I spent 4 years obtaining a degree I don't (and also can't) use.

I want to write, just like millions of other people. But writing at the moment is like my brother says '' a hobby''. I need a job in the real world and I am rather tired of doing low paying jobs with maximum amounts of stress. So how the hell am I supposed to make a choice? I don't want to depend on my family anymore.

I desperately need to make a choice that will impact the rest of my life. But I don't know how to go about it. I am lost today.

Not quite myself

I have no idea why, but I have not been feeling like myself. Even being in my own skin feels alien.  The good news is that I still managed t...