Tuesday, January 31, 2017

Ocean of life

For months my therapist has asked me how depression makes me feel. I could never find the words. A few weeks ago, the words came to me as I woke up. I wrote it down and shared it with my therapist and, she thought I should share it here, on my blog. My virtual home, and with all of my friends.

So . . . here goes. *As a warning, it is very dark . . .

The Ocean of life 
by Murees Dupé

I’m swimming along,
In the ocean that is life.
My head is above water.
So I smile.

I land in a riptide,
And it pulls me along,
Off my course.
I fight to get free.
My arms and legs are tired,
And I sink.

I need to keep my head above water.
But I can’t.
I swallow water,
And it’s salty.

I’m not ready to die.
So, I force myself to fight.
I swim again.
I need to keep my head above water.

I’m free.
The riptide no longer has me,
In it’s grasp.
I swim along again,
In the ocean of life.
I need to get back on course.

I can see the shore.
But, something grabs my leg,
And pulls me under.
I fight, I struggle,
But I cannot get free.

Others swim along side me.
Free as can be.
But I cannot fight anymore.
I surrender to the darkness.
As it will never let me go free.
It will never let me be.

* * * * * * * * 
Getting back to blogging has been harder than I expected. I'm mostly struggling on what to say. I don't want to burden anyone with my inner darkness, even though my therapist encourages me to share more of this darker side. 

I will not be rejoining the IWSG. I'm sorry if I'm letting anyone down. I will still be around to cheer you on, and share some encouragement when you're down. I am basically posting whenever the mood strikes. I don't want to commit, and then fail to post. 

I'm starting to write again. Little bits everyday. But I'll take it. At least I'm writing again. My brain is very unfit. It has to get back to exercising again:) 

So, I'm doing better. How are you doing?

Not quite myself

I have no idea why, but I have not been feeling like myself. Even being in my own skin feels alien.  The good news is that I still managed t...