Tuesday, February 17, 2015

I’m a real-life Gollum

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The Lord of the Rings is definitely one of my favorite books and movies of all time. But lately I found that I’m a lot more like my least favorite character Gollum than I would like to be. I do sympathize with him, but I also want to strangle him. He has that eternal struggle with liking and hating himself. Where do I fit in? Well, I like myself. But then there are other days where I don’t, the depression drags me down and makes me feel like I’m an idiot for thinking I’m likeable. I’m actually the happiest I’ve ever been. I love my life and where I am, but I’m always struggling with the nasty depression monster.

Last week my depression medication got increased and I will always struggle, but unlike last year, I’m not just going to get into a little ball and pout. I’m writing and blogging now even though I don’t feel like it. Last year I didn’t want to blog when I wasn’t feeling my best. I watered down some of my posts as not to depress the blogosphere, but my blog is about what my life as a writer is like and I would like to stay true to that. Share the good and the bad. I apologize in advance if I will be posting things that my readers do not want to read, but I have to do this for me.

On the upside, my rewriting is coming along. The current scene requires a sense of happiness and positivity, which I have been struggling with, but music has really helped me get a better feel for certain scenes. I couldn’t imagine my life or writing without music. Also, can’t wait to see the Fifty Shades movie. Have any of you watched it yet? What did you think?


Have a great week everyone! 

14 comments :

  1. Murees
    There is always such a sting of honesty in your writing and I sincerely enjoy your posts. It is difficult for some people to understand true depression. I really don't understand it but I've seen it in my own family and it is always diet related. Continue on your happy upstream and success in your writing. You go, girl.

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    1. Thank you Manzanita! I will continue the fight. Hugs.

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  2. Write about whatever is on your heart. That honesty will come through so strong, and not only will it help you, but it might help someone else.

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    1. Thank you Alex. You are always so wonderfully supportive. It is much appreciated.

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  3. I read something about depression yesterday that rather struck me. It was talking about how as people, we will go through cycles of depression, even suddenly for no reason. The focus was to turn to God and keep working as best you could through the hard moments, that the darkness couldn't last if we're pressing forward.

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    1. Thank you Crystal. Those are very comforting words. I think it is true.

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  4. I think we all have a bit of Gollum in us - I think everyone goes through phases of liking and not liking themselves. Whenever my anxiety drags me down, I simply say to myself, 'it's part of being human. I am only human after all' - might not sound so comforting, but to me, it is :).
    Going to keep this comment short and sweet, as I always seem to leave you massive essays (sorry about that)! But just wanted to say, I also really admire you for speaking so honestly about your depression - it's really inspiring, and it makes me want to be more open about my internal struggles too. Keep going, and you know where we are if you need us :).

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    1. Thank you Rachel! I always love your comments. I needed to speak out this time instead of keeping it to myself. I have a bad tendency to be too hard on myself. I need to ease up. Thank you again.

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  5. Good for you for continuing to write. I'm proud of you. I won't seen the 50 Shades movie. I didn't read the book. It's not my sort of thing. Remember: I like your writing. It holds my attention.

    Love,
    Janie

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    1. Thank you Janie! Such an awesome compliment.

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  6. I've never read Lord Of The Rings.
    I've never read any Harry Potter books either.
    One day....
    Keep Writing!

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    1. Thank you Michelle! I still have to tackle the Harry Potter books too. Have a great weekend.

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  7. I think a lot of us are facing similar battles, so you posting how it's impacting you and how you tackle it will always be a good thing, I think. It's hard not to burrow and hide. Keep writing and blogging and sharing!

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    1. Thank you Shannon! You are really kind.

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