Wednesday, November 7, 2012

INSECURITY RAISES ITS UGLY HEAD

When it comes to insecurities, I have to admit I have plenty. It would be a lot easier listing the few things I am not insecure about, than to name all my insecurities, because let me tell you, we would be here for days. But I guess the biggest thing I have a problem with is that I do not know who I am without writing.

I am now in the process of job hunting, after working as a freelance writer (unsuccessfully). I loved freelancing. I got to work from home, work my own hours and I got to write, which is what I love. However, regular day jobs don’t have those perks and to be honest, I have become so accustomed to being my own boss, that I find it really hard to come to terms with doing yet another job I do not like. But, now that I will no longer be writing full time, I am really insecure. Not just as a person, but as a writer as well. I failed at finding regular clients and if my writing was so good, I should not have had a problem getting clients. Maybe I was and still am a terrible writer. Perhaps I am just a terrible person and I had it coming.

What I also liked about being a freelance writer was being able to say that I was a writer and that I had an income (not much), but now that I don’t have that anymore, who am I? I am just another aspiring writer trying to become published and who does not have a day job and who dreams big dreams. So I guess, I am just an insecure dreamer.

The Insecure Writers Support Group was created by the wonderful and talented author and blogger, Alex J. Cavanaugh. You guys can visit Alex over at http://alexjcavanaugh.blogspot.com.

8 comments :

  1. I just read another blog post where a similar question was raised. I don't know who I'd be without writing either. But my day job doesn't involved writing at all so I am one of those aspiring author types who keeps copies of her manuscripts in three ring binders. I hope to someday be more but we'll have to see.

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  2. Freelance writing is a tough gig - there's so much competition. It doesn't mean you failed at it, it just wasn't the right time. You tried - that's awesome - but now you're having to earn some money so you can follow your passion. Many people don't get to work full-time at writing, you achieved that, so well done!! :-)

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  3. I would seize the opportunity and write as much as you can while you aren't otherwise working, work when you need to, and write whenever you can. You are you no matter who is paying you or not paying you.

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  4. M.J. - I know that you will be more and in fact you already are.

    Annalisa - Thank you. You always have wonderful things to say. I am grateful for your positive attitude.

    Tonja - Thanks. I am writing and also editing. I am just enjoying this writing time.

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  5. Freelance writing is hard work, isn't it? Not the writing part, but the job searching. And keeping clients. And satisfying clients.

    Just keep writing, anyway. I had much rather be a published writer. It takes time, but in the end, I'll be happy I stuck with the journey:)

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  6. Ink in the Book - I agree with you. I would so much rather be a published writer. It is my dream. Freelancing is very tough, a lot tougher than I initially thought, because I had a lot of luck early on, but now...It is just too tough for me.

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  7. I had to go back to work last year too. It was so frustrating:( I still try to write something every single day even if its just a blog post. Freelance writing is a tough living, I find myself saying yes to a lot of unpaid work trying to make a name for myself.
    I hope you find something you enjoy at least a bit:)

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  8. Doreen - Thank you so much. I really hope so too.

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